a prisoner of pretending and his presence

I understood everything quite clearly, and then suddenly stopped understanding.

I love him, and he loves me, but that, with the passing of time, something important was missing. I had everything in life; and yet was unhappy; although I could easily go through the rest of my life pretending that this happiness didn't exist. I was terrified of falling into a depression from which I might never emerge.

However, the more I looked for things and love, the more confused I became, the more alone I felt. I feel at times that I've completely lost my way.

I became a prisoner of my personal history. These accumulated experiences, memories, things, or other people's ideas, and it is more then I can possibly cope with. that is why I forgot my dreams.

Troy sensed that something was wrong, became easily irritated, I am more silent than usual. Maybe we could see we were growing apart but cannot understand why. I don't know..........

we could spend the rest of our life saying that we love such a person or thing, when the truth is we are merely suffering, because instead of accepting love's strength, we are trying to diminish it.

I thought that by writing about my feelings, I would free myself from his presence. Now I love him in a more silent way, and think about it more.