"at the airport"

he told me, are you available to pick me up on thursday?

my reaction? I was stunned. nervous. I felt like I had this list of things to do before I see him, in order to maximize the visit to its full potential. And I had a work schedule.

he was messing with me. I was unamused. I would kill the love of my life for that cruelty! well not really kill, that's an exaggeration. I'd at least hit him, even though it probably will have no impact.

yet hours later, my thoughts were racing all over the place.

happy.excited.anxious.full of dread.

then I figured out OHHH this is what Dr. Gill was talking about, mild uncategorized bipolar. racing thoughts. shopping sprees.

then I began to think that distance only made our love grow stronger & showed us how important we were for one another. such love has a potential for growth

we have to pass through the two hardest tests on the spirtual road: the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not be disappointed with what you encounter.

it was something I wanted obviously, to see spudgy. it didn't matter the context of it happened. It didn't have to be perfect. and I thought to myself, given the chance while in bed as he's falling asleep, I would just kiss him & say "sleep well my love"

I imagined the very moment we would see each other for the first time.

"Hello," he says.

"I've been waiting for you," I reply.

Then he would embrace me, and I'd rest my head upon him, and begin to cry. Simply because of human touch

So with that very thought in mind, I impulsively decided to purchase a ticket to Mississippi in November for his birthday. See how he likes it, "hey can you pick me up at the airport today?"

Reward System

I told Spudgy I would create a rewards system for him, like Pavlov's dog heheh.

phone call initiated: molestation inside movie theater

mushy voice mail : permission to kiss any part of body, your choice. 2 min

drunk proclamations of love: hugs

sober proclamations of love: hugs & kisses

Texts, pics, video: reciprocated immediately

marriage, legal binding and blessed = unlimited access to vagina and baby maker for lifetime, lots of laughter and love unlimited, loyalty guaranteed.

engagement = the start of lingerie only slumber parties in bed. promise no over sized t shirts, hospital scrubs, or pjs unless on family vaca or babies in bed

random ACTS of kindness, love just because... : each occasion garners surprise as to when gf chooses not to wear panties and discreetly indicate such to bf.

cuddling/snuggling: free reign to grope

visits: reciprocated. Rewards redeemed

crossing off an item on to do list: massive mystery bonus!!

Every photo taken together: kiss madated no matter what within 5-10min

fornication: free pass for next round

pregnancy: pretty wasian babies, extreme bonus if wedding/engagement included

you either, have it, want it, or you're afraid of losing it.

wait

Wait. This was the first lesson I had learned about love. The day drags along, you make thousands of plans, you imagine every possible conversation, you promise to change your behavior in certain ways - and you feel more and more anxious until your loved one arrives. But by then, you don't know what to say. The hours of waiting have been transformed into tension, the tension becomes fear, and the fear makes you embarrassed about showing affection.